Deep Breaths

Deep Breaths
by Stephanie Mesler

Breath is an entitlement,
reward for being born,
for waking up each day,
putting one foot in front of the other.

Breathing is to Deep Breath as being alive is to living.
You can do one without the other, but will it be worth the effort?
Breathing begins with a baby's first cry
and continues without ceasing until it doesn't any more. 

Deep Breaths are a luxury
to be found in the silences
between the movements of concerti,
before largo gives way to prestissimo.

They do not like to be found.
Deep breaths hide behind Aphrodite
and under Hokusa's azure wave,
within the well of O' Keeffe's second Petunia.

Deep Breaths are not obvious.
They are not givens, available just for asking.
One must make room for deep breaths,
clear out the clutter that makes us pant.

Deep Breaths can be found in the window seat
or under your grandmother's quilt.
They are in the wide open, beside rivers,
and in musty caverns kept sacrosanct in the dark.

Deep Breaths take a little effort,
sometimes a steroid pill or two. 
They require a slowing that doesn't come easily,
and patience to clear out allthe crud.

© Stephanie Mesler 2018

Outliving A Friend Who Should Have Lived Longer

I'm still here and she is not. 
She was the friend who wasn't a friend for a while ...
until she was again.
The friend who made me consider the depth of friendship...its endurance. 
She broke my heart and then helped to rebuild it. 
Together, we learned that love damn well does mean having to say you're sorry.
We learned that, sometimes, that's enough.

She was the friend who reminded me that love can be punctured...
wind can blow right through it.
That's when you expect it to fall...
but the holes actually make love stronger.
It can withstand fury.
Together, we learned that love will bow without falling.
 
Tsunamis came and rivers raged across our landscape.
We were as a raft, tossed and turned,
sopping wet, but still useful...
still crossing the sea, headed toward land.
Together, we learned that love floats.

She was there when my life ended.
No, not my actual life,
the life I lived. 
And she was there when life started anew. 
Actual life carries on in spite of the deaths we experience.
We carried on together, even when the life we shared was done,
ever in one another's hearts,
ever on one another's minds. 

And then one day, she was gone.
 
In some ways, nothing has changed.
The sun still rises and the wind still blows.
The sea continues to creep across the world.
I still think of her...
I still love her.
But nothing will ever be as it was. 
She would tell me that is as it should be. 
"Change is the reason we exist."

But this is a change that came too soon,
a lesson I do not wish to learn. 
I'm still here and she is not.
She was my friend. 

© Stephanie Mesler 2018